


Tin Foil

by manhattan



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Denial, Gen, Jealousy, M/M, Realization, Sympathy Crime influences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-12-05 12:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/723307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manhattan/pseuds/manhattan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yosuke used to feel inadequate until Souji came along. Now he just feels empty.</p><p>Is there something missing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tin Foil

**May**

Souji was perfect in the way a hero of a book was perfect. He had flaws that weren't; like his sporadic moments of dorkiness, or the way he laughed at the most stupid things until he was breathless, but those were endearing, like they were meant to distract a person from his flawlessness. Meant to say: I’m perfect but you won’t ever feel like I'm stealing the spotlight. Yosuke had flaws that were, like the colorless boredom that was neatly tied around his ribs, around his heart, like the need to watch a tragedy. He always felt guilty afterward, felt this dull sense of shame — because people weren't supposed to find solace in murder. Souji faced the murders like a policeman would, or like an agent of justice. Yosuke faced them like a witness at a car crash: unable to tear his eyes away from the accident but inwardly wanting to see it to the end. Did that make him a terrible person? He often wondered about the thin line between good and bad and — if Souji hadn't come along, would he have succumbed to his ennui? What would he have done?

Yosuke looked at Souji's back, at his moving shoulders (was he taking notes? How diligent) and then decided not to delve further into the darkening abyss of his mind. He didn't want to fall.

(What would I have done if I didn't have something to keep me busy, he still asked himself, when sleep failed to soothe him, when there were slow shifts at Junes, when Souji told him he'd be spending the afternoon with someone else.)

* * *

  **August**

“Y’know, I've been thinking,” Yosuke said, one sunny afternoon, out of the blue. Souji turned away from the Samegawa river, looking at him. The light reflected off the water and into his face, giving it a warm, yellow glow that almost made Yosuke’s stomach flip. He wondered if Souji knew just how beautiful he was. Effortless beauty. Yosuke dyed his hair and combed it carefully, he bought stylish clothes and took care of himself (as much as any self-aware high school male would), but in the end he was nothing but an average pretty boy. Souji was beauty without even trying. He arrived at school with his hair uncombed and the girls swooned at his bed-hair; he forgot to button all the way up and their eyes roamed over his collarbones, a hint of obvious want in them. Yosuke envied him and respected him for it, an ugly circle of “why you and not me” and “of course it would be you and not me”.

Souji leaned in, as if to egg him on, and Yosuke noticed he’d been staring instead of talking. His cheeks flushed as he looked away quickly.

“Uh, about the killer’s motives.” He looked at the water, noticed how it mirrored the orange sky. “Like… Why is he doing it?” Furrowing his brow for an added effect of confusion, he continued. “I know he doesn't really  _need_  to have a motive, but—” he let the words hang.

Souji looked pensive, but in the end, he chose not to voice his thoughts. He did that so often that Yosuke wasn't really bothered by it anymore. Well. Not entirely. Sometimes, he wanted to shake him by the shoulders, wanted to say: “Why don’t you ever speak to me? Why don’t you trust me?” But he knew that wasn't the case. Souji was just cautious. He knew how his words affected people around him. He knew better than to say something if he didn't mean it.

But that didn't mean Yosuke didn’t feel offended. Aren't we best friends, he always thought, aren't you supposed to feel comfortable in front of me? Souji turned to look at the water again, and Yosuke did the same, succumbing to the fear of upsetting him with questions. He felt that way a lot, and then thought: aren't I doing the same?

* * *

  **November**

Souji had faced a lot of challenges, each one harder than the last. Yosuke supposed he had faced those too, but it was different. He was support. Souji planned and fought and won, and Yosuke fought and won  _with_  him. Alongside him. He felt bad because he'd been the one to push the leader position onto Souji's shoulders, but sometimes ... Sometimes he wondered what if. He knew he wasn't leader material, but it was okay to dream, wasn't it? Even if it left him feeling bitter and sad, it was okay to dream.

"Yukiko--" Yosuke started, a question bubbling up fast from between his incredulous mouth, and then choked, coughing up. He forced a wheezing laugh in between, just to disguise it. What It was, he didn't know, but something at the back of his mind told him not to let Souji see It. He regained his composure, straightening and looking half-goofy, half-serious, in that best friend kind of way. "The Amagi challenge? Way to go, partner!"

He slapped Souji's back, a little harder than usual, and then smiled at him, all sunshine and fatherly approval. Souji offered him a sheepish smile, having the decency to look a little abashed, and then went to buy celebratory juices from the nearest vending machine. Yosuke watched him go, feeling his smile fade when he turned his back on him.

Souji had faced a lot of challenges. Souji planned and fought and won; it was obvious that he'd win this one, too.

* * *

  **January**

Yosuke visited Adachi in prison and told no one.

"I have to say," the other man rasped, offering a grim smile, "of all the people I'd been expecting, you weren't one of them. To what do I owe this visit, Hana-chan?"

A flash of Saki's smile ran across his mind, beckoning him to catch it if he could, but Yosuke was too tired to give chase. He let it go, feeling something claw up his throat. It was bile, he recognized, moments later.

"Why did you do it?"

Adachi's expression changed into something that was one third tired and two thirds exasperated. Like he'd been asked the question a thousand times. Maybe he had. Knowing Souji's uncle, it was likely. Why did you do it, Yosuke imagined Dojima asking, each time sounding more defeated than the last. Why did you do it, Tohru?

"I thought I'd made it clear, before." In Magatsu Inaba, he didn't add, but Yosuke heard it anyway. It echoed around in the hallways of his mind, knocking at locked doors that he didn't want to open, anyway. "You came all the way here just for that?"

"Yes."

Adachi leaned back in the uncomfortable plastic chair, looking perfectly adapted to it. He wondered how many times he'd been in the visitor's center. How many times Dojima had come. Had Souji come? He thought of Souji, quietly gazing into Adachi's eyes, a question in them. Or maybe an answer. It was hard to tell what was going on inside Souji's head, if he didn't want you to. When it came to Adachi, Souji never wanted you to. Yosuke was his best friend and he'd never heard anything related to Adachi, or Magatsu Inaba, or -- why does Adachi have a Persona just like yours, partner?

"I was bored, I guess," Adachi answered, finally, with a flippant shrug of his shoulders. Underneath the collar of his standard prison shirt, Yosuke could see the shadows under his collarbones. He had lost weight. "Inaba is too boring. I needed something to do."

Yosuke felt something inside him wilt when Adachi finished, recognizing himself in  _him_ , in this  _monster_ , in this--

In this foil. 

"I see," he said, and felt the frustration and the self-disgust bloom over the rotten petals of his morality.


End file.
